i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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