I got chris browned last night
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
