Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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