we have officially lost it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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