i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
