and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am one with the molecules
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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