if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
