Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
