They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
