Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
