The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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