so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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