At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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