Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
