when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
