I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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