My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
