it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
smell my finger.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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