Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
