the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize