god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
