Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
