I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize