She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
