I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
