Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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