I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
