This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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