FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
