Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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