You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
