Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
