I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize