I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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