just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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