he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
