I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
