long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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