she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
