marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
