just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
