Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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