the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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