Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
