ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
