Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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