You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
