Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
