Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
