So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
