if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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