All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
