So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
