I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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