he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
