If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
