I wannas sexs uuuuu
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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