when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
