Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I won the penis lottery.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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