I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
