Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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