Acid is not a monday night drug
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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