Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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