Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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