People with herpes should wear stickers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
