..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
