thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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