i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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