I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
